Script Writing - Treatment

A film treatment is a piece of prose, typically the step between scene cards and the first draft of. It is generally longer, and more detailed than an outline. Treatments read like a short story, except they are told in the present tense and describe events as they happen.

The original draft treatment is generally long and detailed. It has full-scene outlines put together. Usually between thirty to eighty A4 pages with an average of about forty pages. For example, The Terminator is forty-eight pages. The presentation treatment is the appropriate treatment to submit if a script submission requires one. They are usually three to thirty pages in length, with an average of seven to twelve pages for feature film.

My First Treatment:-

Begins with John sat at a B&B apartment on the edge of the bed. Building him up to leave. [John narrates to himself (as a type of audience leading to rhetorical questions) throughout the short and doesn’t actually have any dialogue-he instead narrates his responses that occur]. He narrates about the loss of his wife. Eventually John grabs his long thick coat and leaves through the front door onto the street.

FLASHBACK: John is making love to his wife, Lucy in bed, lighted subtly by candles. Its soft, passionate and a strong connection of love is apparent between the two. During the sex he narrates about his love for her, he makes it out that he practically worshipped her. They finish having sex but look at each other still. He narrates that he tells her he loves her. She tells him she loves him too.

John is now sat on a stool along a bar counter, he has a tumbler of whiskey in one hand and keeps his head down. He goes through 3 – 4 glasses of whiskey while sat there and everyone else in the bar just keeps to themselves and watches thee TV that is behind the bar; the sound from the TV is low but can be heard in the background. John puts the last glass down on the counter and stands up to leave the pub. During this he narrates about how she was perfect and that he thought nothing could go wrong. ‘She was perfect, life was perfect’

FLASHBACK: John is walking down a street over to his house, only the Bedroom light was on. He narrates how nice it he thought it was for his wife to wait up for him, he also states he told her he won’t be back from work until tomorrow. He enters his home and makes his way upstairs quietly, mentioning he wanted to surprise her. He enters the bedroom to find his wife shot to death and sprawled out on the bed sheets. Blood up the walls, all over the bed and looking pretty brutal.

John leaves the pub; the barman can be heard in the background thanking him for the business.  During this he narrates about why he felt he shouldn’t of told his wife he had to work so late; and starts to blame himself for her murder. He also mentions that it’s all ultimately Hanks fault, and he worked with him for years.

FLASHBACK: John is visiting Lucy’s grave at night, clearly drunk and holding a bottle of whiskey in his hand. His hat is keeping the rain off his face and his long coat is keeping him dry. He kneels down and places his hand on her gravestone very delicately and tears start to roll down his face. During this he narrates about how nothing is the same without her that he isn’t sure he can cope and that he is looking for the man responsible.

John is walking down one of the alley ways; it has next to no light and casts large shadows down the alley. John lights up a cigarette and takes a drag and exhales. He put the lighter back into his coat.

Man walks towards him and brushes shoulder. Man retaliates by turning round and pushing John to the floor. John gets up and swings for the man quickly and hits him clean. The man hits the floor and is out cold. John picks up his cigarette, relights it and continues walking. John narrates about how much his hand hurts and that he thinks it is broken.

His narration continues about keeping calm, and he needs to focus on what’s important as he turns down another short street. Down this street he starts narrating about how he felt sorry for Hank at first, he felt bad for Hank when he found out his wife was cheating on him.

FLASHBACK: John and Hank are sat on the bonnets of their cars in an otherwise deserted car park. There is empty beer cans around Hank’s car. Hank is drunk and angry, telling John he has just found out his wife was cheating on him and that he wants to kill the man who was sleeping with her. He also punches the bonnet of his car on occasion, visualising his frustration and anger. John narrates through this about him listening to Hank and offering him a lift home. John helps Hank into the passenger seat, gets into the driver’s seat and drives out of the car park.

John is walking down a busy street full of pubs and clubs. It is populated by couples leaving them and walking off in various directions. These people are loud and drunk but don’t contact John in any way. John walks down and past people quietly, he finishes his Cigarette and throws it away. He narrates about not letting Hank go home, he was too drunk and a history of domestic violence. He just wasn’t thinking about that, that night.

FLASHBACK: John pulls up outside Hanks house and puts the hand break on. Hank gives an appreciative nod and gets out of the car. He stumbles up the path to the front door and waves at John. He fumbles around with his keys and eventually gets into his home and closes his door. John can be heard driving off outside. John narrates he felt stupid letting Hank go home so drunk, he hoped she was out seeing another man tonight.

FLASHBACK: Hank rests against the back of the door he just shut. He sighs with relief; and slowly makes his way upstairs. He keeps hold of the banister and is carefully watching where he puts his feet. He makes it to the top of stairs when the front door opens and closes. His face clearly looks angry, turns and runs down the stairs yelling abuse at his wife. She panics and starts to back into a corner. Hank starts throwing punches and starts to strangle her, he does this for too long and ends up killing her; you see this happen as her body starts to lack self-defence and just goes limp. While the abuse happens John narrates about how much he regrets letting that happen, he could have prevented it.

FLASHBACK: (Back to John finding his wife dead) John stays strong and doesn’t get upset, although does look shocked by it all. He can smell cigarette smoke, but knows his wife doesn’t smoke. Noticing an ashtray on the bedside table he goes over to it and inspects the cigarette butt in it. John narrates about him only seeing this type of smoked by Hanks brother, Jamie. A note is beside the ashtray which he picks up and reads. “He lost his wife because of you; it’s only fair you lose yours. Signed J.B” Police sirens can be hear in the distance and getting closer. John leaves the scene. He narrates about it’s definitely Jamie and he is bragging about it, he even tried to set him up.

John turns off from a noisy street down a quite side road, the noise goes distant. When walking past the lap dancing club; one of the Dancers is stood outside the club and tries to entice John inside for one of her ‘private shows’. He ignores her and keeps walking down the road. John narrates about being half way to their; and that he was glad to find Jamie. He waited for the right moment to strike, and found it.

FLASHBACK: Jamie is tied up to a chair in an abandoned factory/container with open doors. John’s car is park just past the doors with the lights flooding in, causing Jamie’s vision to be minimal. John walks into the path of the light to Jamie can roughly see him (still squinting) John narrates about what he is asking Jamie as he hits him. Once Jamie admits he killed Lucy, John places a gun to his head pulls the trigger; the force of the shot pushes the chair onto its back and leaves Jamie tied to it. John starts walking away; narrating how he is half way there. One last loose end.

John is now walking through the start of a residential area. A man passes by walking his dog, but no glances are exchanged. John is starting to hug himself a little bit to keep warm; this can be seen by his breath. He lights up one more cigarette for the night. He narrates about this is his only chance to end it, isn’t it? And how he feels responsible for it. (At this point he punches a wall).

FLASHBACK: John is laid on his bed in his Bed and Breakfast room; a lamp on the bedside table is on illuminating him a little. He narrates about the police might not of been after him, maybe he just panicked, he also narrates about feeling like he kick started it all; that he shouldn’t of let Hank go home that night. He starts to read through some old letters Lucy had sent him while he worked away, he starts to narrate about these and apologises to his wife.

John narrates about being so close; while walking past a street full of houses a variety of lights are on, on these houses. He narrates about feeling sorry for the situation Hank was in; but Hank brought this on himself abusing his wife so much. It would have been much different if he managed to catch her in the act with another man. Hell he nearly did.

FLASHBACK: John is having sex with Hanks wife in their (Hanks) bed. They climax and John slowly climbs off and lays next to her on the bed, they’re both breathing heavily. John reaches other to the bedside table, takes a cigarette out the pack and places it in his mouth. Hank’s wife mentions that Hank will be home soon and that he doesn’t have enough time to smoke. John puts his clothes back on, and leaves the bedroom. During this he narrates about nearly getting caught, that it’s all his fault.

John reaches Hanks house and the living room light is on. The T.V. can be heard from outside. A hard shadow is cast against the curtains/ blinds of Hank sat in his chair, the light changes frequently due to the T.V.   John pulls out a gun from inside his coat and puts his hand back down to his side. He walks up to the door and rewraps his fingers round the gun. He lets himself into the house and Hank doesn’t notice. John narrates about loose ends and closure; apologising to Hank and Lucy.

John’s shadow appears in the window showing the action that happens with in. He raises the gun to Hank and shoots. John narrates about loose ends and that he is sorry for everything. That is almost done. John raises the gun to his own head, and repeats narration.

Cut to black. John narrates he is sorry once more. A gun shot can be heard. THE END